Mary Roach knows a thing or two about Space Travel

I recently received a package at my private residence on Titian (I’m still scratching my head as to how they got the address. I mean, this place is exclusive) containing a book about space travel, called Packing for Mars. Usually, I just toss these things aside; if anyone knows anything about space travel, it’s me. But then I noticed it was by Mary Roach, who I recently saw on the Daily Show with John Stewart. So I cracked it open and started to read. 

It’s a pretty darned good book, if not a little behind the times (I mean, Mars? That was so three decades ago). I could really relate to the stuff about the chimp and the troubles of vomit in the space helmet (not that I’ve ever done anything so amateur). Here – the publicists say it best:

The best-selling author of Stiff and Bonk explores the irresistibly  strange universe of space travel and life without gravity. Space is a  world devoid of the things we need to live and thrive: air, gravity, hot  showers, fresh produce, privacy, beer. Space exploration is in some ways  an exploration of what it means to be human. How much can a person give  up? How much weirdness can they take? What happens to you when you can’t  walk for a year? have sex? smell flowers? What happens if you vomit in  your helmet during a space walk? Is it possible for the human body to  survive a bailout at 17,000 miles per hour? To answer these questions,  space agencies set up all manner of quizzical and startlingly bizarre  space simulations. As Mary Roach discovers, it’s possible to preview  space without ever leaving Earth. From the space shuttle training toilet  to a crash test of NASA’s new space capsule (cadaver filling in for  astronaut), Roach takes us on a surreally entertaining trip into the  science of life in space and space on Earth.

Better yet, Roach is coming to Seattle on her book tour. She’ll be at the University of Washington, Kane Hall (Room 210) on Wednesday, August 18 at 7 pm. Tickets are free with the purchase of Packing for Mars from University Book Store; otherwise tickets are $5. Books and tickets available at the University Bookstore (NOT the GSTS) beginning August 2 .

The best part? The Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. will be on hand to sell a selection of space travel supplies for all those aspiring astronauts. *

See you there!
- The Captain.

* Well, maybe not “the best part,” but we are pretty darned excited.

Join me, Captain T. McGillicuddy, July 17 as the GSTS celebrates the historic Moon Landing.

I’m not one to wax poetic—at least about the successes and exploits of other adventurers—but in less than a fortnight, the world will celebrate the single most significant step in human history. July 20th marks the 41st Anniversary of the Apollo 11 mission to the Moon and Neil Armstrong’s giant leap. Needless to say, a lot has happened in the intervening forty-one years, but had it not been for Neil, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins and, mankind may still be flopping about in the stratosphere without a paddle.

I recently sat down with Neil and Buzz at a Lodge of the Celestial Adventurers lutefisk dinner and asked them about their contribution to modern space travel. When I asked Neil what it was like to stare up and see the globe, so small in the darkness, he got uneasily quiet, shifted the jellied fish about on his plate, and turned briefly to Buzz. “Well, you know how it is. It sort of…well, it sort of felt like Idaho.” And then he winked.

I kid you not.

He wouldn’t elucidate, and then Buzz started talking about Canada and landing gear and I sort of lost the course of the conversation. I was too busy thinking about Neil and his conspiratorial wink and to this day I have no idea to what he was referring. Maybe the fish tasted weird?

 ______________________

I digress. On July 17, the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. will celebrate the 41st Anniversary of the Moon Landing with special pricing on Moon-themed items, free moon pies, and an opportunity to meet me, Captain T. McGillicuddy, as we fake our own Moon Landing. The fun starts at 12noon and goes until 1:30pm. Find more information on the Events page.

See you on Saturday!

(PS—and this is a big PS—but in order to get the special pricing, you have to bring in a coupon. Which you can find here. Not in the Seattle area? There are special  on-line deals too if you order between now and July 20. More info here)

 ______________________

Can't wait for the Big Day? We recently discovered this amazing website created by the  John F. Kennedy Presidential Library that recounts all phases of the mission in amazing  detail. Copious amounts of video, audio, and photos pepper the site. You can even relive the entire three-day journey with a minute-by-minute streaming audio. Visit WE CHOOSE THE MOON

Secret transmission delivered by robot assistant

Today, my ship's on-board computer starting behaving badly. It may have been the cup of coffee I recently introduced into the mainframe (inadvertently, of course). It starting singing "Daisy, daisy..." and muttering forlornly. I started to get very worried.

I called to my robot assistant, Pal, to try and talk some sense into the thing, but he was in the corner...acting very sheepish. I thought he might have been crying. But--believe it or not--he was snickering, because one of his Robot Assistant Training Camp chums had emailed him a couple pictures from his new place of employ, the Liberty Street Robot Supply and Repair Co. It seems some humans thought it was all romantic and that they decided to get married -- right in front of the store. Here is the picture I was finally able to pry from Pal's hands:

I don't understand what Pal and his robot friends have against human emotions. Maybe they are jealous that what they call "love" amounts to a tin can and a wet soda cracker. Anyway, read more about it here : ONWARD ROBOTS

Hey Kids-It's New!

Hey there all you guys and gals and friends and pals, I just got back from the Intergalactic Belt and Accessories Convention just outside the Orion Nebula and I just thought I'd let all those Fashionista's out there know that Personal Atmospheric Filters are definitely "IN" this summer. The perfectly circular optic viewers are perfect for highlighting the eyes, while the thick rubber of the mask will make people on the street stop and wonder "who is that mysterious person". Add stickers or mix and match the leather straps that hold the Personal Atmospheric Filter in place to make your clean breathing experience that much more personal. Unfortunately, Personal Atmospheric Filter does not include a James Earl Jones voice modulator. Pick up yours today at the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co!

Warning Read With Caution!

When Humor Me, the new anthology of contemporary humor writing edited by Ian Frazier, first materialized in my interstellar inbox, I foolishly believed it to be a birthday present from my dear friend Justin at the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Store. Silly me - I forgot my birthday wasn’t until Star Date 3.456.09. And so I started reading, and soon found that I was inescapably caught in the hilarity of such writers as Steve Martin, Veronica Geng, and Jack Handy. No sooner had I flipped page 25, than I found that the Roddenbaumer Beta starship I was "piloting" had been inescapably caught in the gravitational pull of a Black Hole.  So if you must read this book--for the love of God--do not read it while driving, drinking milk, shaving, piloting large mechanical machinery, or sitting in at the DMV.   

The Map of the Known Universe Wins the AIGA Copper Ingot Award!

Spencer Charles, our Summer 2009 Design Intern just informed us that he:

A: entered the 'Map of the Known Universe' in the annual Utah AIGA design competition. And that:

B: Of the 100 pieces accepted into the competition, only ten were awarded the Copper Ingot award. But most surprising of all:

C: The "Map" was one of the recipients of the Copper Ingot award. Therewith:

D: Thank you to all of the 826 Seattle volunteers who participated and helped make this a truly awesome product! You should therefore:

E: Purchase a copy of your own.

The Greenwood Space Trave Supply Co. MAY update

I imagine this transmission has taken months to reach you, as on a recent adventure, I veered off course after a mid-flight calamity; a spare Black Hole Starter Kit exploded unexpectedly, and the resultant wormhole transported me to the fabulous Vega Omega Funtime Planet, where I felt obliged to spend a couple months in orbit. I took in a few shows (including the runaway hit “Springtime in Secunda Giedi”) enjoyed the amazing and exotic food, and met some truly remarkable fellow travelers. At one late-night story-swapping roundtable, Big Jones Leary asked “How are things back on Earth?” The table grew quiet with anticipation and I told them:

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The Solar System, Interpreted

When you first espy the Jovian Giant Red Spot, what do you see: an angry and turbulent planet, an interstellar behemoth as threatening as it is grand? When you turn your mind’s eye to the Moon, do you imagine her content or a sad and mournful mistress?

Earlier this year, the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. asked designers and artists to gaze into the heavens and consider the planets of the Solar System. What legends about the gods color our contemporary conception of their celestial namesakes? How has human exploration changed our understanding of these worlds both far and distant?

The results of this creative exercise are dazzling to behold: a set of ten finely crafted collectible postcards featuring the work of Fantagraphics designers Jacob Covey and Adam Grano, former 826 Seattle design interns Spencer Charles and Julia-Anne Bork, Golden Lasso designers Roshan Gurusinghe and Robert Well, local artists Adam Spencer and Jenny Catchings, cartoonist David Lasky, and in-house designer Justin Allan.

The postcards are now available on-line . As a special treat, limited-edition seven-color screenprints of the Jupiter and limited-edition gilcee prints of Saturn are available. Word has it additional planets are soon to follow. 

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Tickle Your Brain

A package recently arrived at the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. marked DO NOT OPEN UNTIL MAY 15. It set the staff to wondering and conjecturing what could possibly be waiting inside: a dangerous alien egg pod, the new shipment of Mighty Minion Robots, something horrible yet amazing (and maybe even shiny)?

We do have one lead: At a recent student workshop, a group of particularly creative and clever kids spent hours developing a new product for sale in the store. Described as “the perfect tool for average people aiming to be super, jocks secretly yearning to be brainiac nerds, smart people desiring to be even smarter, bored people, writers with writer’s block, travelers stuck in the middle of nowhere, anybody with hair (or not), and scientists in need of innovative ideas,” this product is sure to revolutionize modern cortical stimulation. And it’s reportedly “very shiny.”

UPDATE: The product--THE METALLIC BRAIN STIMULATOR--was unveiled on Saturday, May 15, to much applause and cheering. Check out out website for more information - though an in-store demonstration really is required to get an idea of just how cool this product is.

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New In The Store

Attention aspiring writers: Need a little inspiration, a guide, or a checklist as you put the finishing touches on your novel? Courtesy of our friends at 826 National, we have two tools to assist you:

The Secret Miracle: The Novelist’s Handbook, edited by Daniel Alarcon. This collection of interviews documents a star-studded discussion on the craft of writing by a slew of notable figures from all walks of the literary community, including Michael Chabon, Paul Auster, Amy Tan, Haruki Murakami, and Stephen King. Get an inside look at the alchemy of writing fiction: everything from nuts-and-bolts queries to perennial questions posed by writers and readers alike.

Are You Absolutely, Positively, and Wholeheartedly Ready To Publish Your Novel? Poster: You're done. You've finally finished that soon-to-be Pulitzer winner, monster of a book, and it's giving you all these warm, fuzzy feelings of satisfaction. But are you really done? Is this really it? After months, years, or decades of careful deliberation over those transitions and subplots, are you totally ready to give your paper child its first true glimpse of sunlight? Don't you want one last double-check of your novel's readiness for publication?

We had a feeling that might be the case. That's why the certified poster specialists at 826 National have engineered the Are You Absolutely, Positively, and Wholeheartedly Ready to Publish Your Novel? poster.  Designed to provide exhaustive answers to all of your queries and quell all of your concerns and self-doubts, this detailed poster is a must-have. Pick one up for yourself or your favorite writer today!

Be hella cool in a new Mercury Cougar-rama Muscle Car–‘Splosion Tee-shirt. Forget supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Mary Poppins, who? Singer/songwriter Neko Case has brought us the newest verbal mouthful, the Mercury Cougar-Rama Muscle Car–'Splosion! To celebrate the benefit auction for Neko's '67 Mercury Cougar (launching in June on eBay) she has also designed these awesome, limited edition t-shirts. Proceeds from the tee-shirt and the auction benefit 826 National.

Can’t make it in to 826 Seattle? Both of these items are available in the 826 National Webstore: http://826national.org/826store_main/

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Until Next Time

With that I must say farewell, as Big Jones Leary needs assistance operating his newfangled DVD player. Remember, what happens in the Vega system rarely escapes the star’s gravitational pull. Farewell fellow space traveler!

Adventure Awaits!

Amazing! Spectacular! and Super Secret...

What happens when some of the best graphic designers in Seattle-all of whom are former design interns or volunteers-get together to work on a project of galactic proportions? We can't tell you! At least not until May 14th when the Greenwood-Phinney neighborhood hosts the 15th annual Artwalk. Don't miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime alignment of artists and non-profit resourcefulness. Additional details soon!

All This Rain Got You Down In the Mud?

When you wake up to a sky as grey as the sidewalk and you need two pea coats and a rain jacket just to go get your grande soy chai latte, you know its spring time in Earth’s most space traveling neighborhood, Greenwood. I know that it may be hard to notice any change in the weather between April and March (or March and February for that matter) but extensive research conducted here at the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. has shown that the sunshine is indeed on its way. 

So what better time than now to start your very own garden? It’s easier than ever thanks to the helpful folks at Dr. Darwin's Breath of Life, distributors of high quality terraforming -- and gardening -- necessities. We have everything you need to start a vibrant garden of vegetables or flowers, from matchbook seeds to zucchini in a can! 

For the impatient planter, we also feature a line of easy to use planetariums sure to get your seeds germinating faster than you can say geranium (also guaranteed to work in zero-gravity environments). 

For those of you planning to spend your spring and summer off world, the patented seal design of our all-in-one plant-in-a-can allows for both safe travel and simple sprouting. In no time you’ll be trading tomatoes for blurbnarts with your alien pals! 

If your are still not convinced that now is the perfect time to start your very own garden, the friendly folks here at the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. are proud to announce that we are parents of two lovely sunflowers, Hank and Lee-a. While you take a moment to soak in these little guys, don’t you think it’s about time you settled down and raised a garden of your own? We do.  Hurry in and say “hi” while supplies last. 

Hey Kids-It's New!

EMERGENCY UNDERPANTS

PRACTICAL USES: You never know where (or when) your travels will take you, or how far you'll be from a functioning laundromat. Terrors unforeseen,  long queues, or simple forgetfulness are trials all travelers must face at some point and, as we like to say, its always best to be better prepared.

NOTES: Emergency Underpants are for use in emergencies only. Emergency Underpants fits most adults and are always ready to use.

IDEAL FOR:  Anyone who scares easily, forgetful people Ages 3+

MAP of the (Known) UNIVERSE up for an AWARD!

We just received word from Spencer Charles, our summer-2009-special-guest design intern, that the Map of the Known Universe has been accepted into Utah’s AIGA 100 Show (a design competition for professionals). The Map—designed by Spencer and written by 826 Seattle volunteers—is also eligible for a People’s Choice Award. A pretty darn’d nifty accolade, if we do say so ourselves.

Help Spencer win the People’s Choice Award: visit http://aigaslc100show.com/peoples-choice/ and click on the stars below the image of the Map (about 2/3 down the first page if entries)!

DO IT!

Last week in Greenwood...

Last week, the neighborhood of Greenwood was rocked by The World's Most Significant Protest (Lately). Video evidence was captured by Greg Scheiderer, of the Seattle Astronomy Examiner:

IT HAPPENED...AT THE GREENWOOD SPACE TRAVEL SUPPLY CO.

The annual Pluto Protest March blasted off without a hitch last Saturday (Star Date 03.13.2010) and sent a message across the universe that planetary rights are not something to be tossed around like a beach ball at an Aerosmith concert. Pro-Plutonians and Anti-Plutonians of all shapes and sizes came out in full force to tell the IAU (International Astronomical Union) exactly where it could stick its decision to reclassify Pluto as a dwarf planet.

Protesters marched their way through the unsuspecting streets of Greenwood before invading Neptune Coffee to give the lucky patrons a piece of their mind. Keynote speaker Justin Allan took time from his hectic schedule as head of the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. to make this statement:

ATTENTION CONCERNED CITIZENS!

A grave injustice has occurred! Pluto—the smallest and most distant planet—has been removed from the planetary pantheon.

Pluto – a planet since its discovery in 1930 - didn’t fit the bill and was booted out of the line-up, kicked to the curb, removed! It was reclassified as a “Dwarf Planet” – diminished, as if this small, icy outpost was somehow inferior to the “gas giants”.

We are gathered here today to declare Pluto IS a Planet.

These inspired words left few dry eyes or optic receptors as hands joined with tentacles in a galactic show of support for this fallen planet. Although great strides have been made in advancing awareness about the plight of Pluto, its up to you concerned citizen to make Saturday's accomplishments more than just a footnote in galactic history. Silence the haters who hide behind their computer screens and their facebooks and write," Anyone who protests about Pluto needs to get a life and find something significant and productive to care and protest about, duncha think?" We here at the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. might not know what "duncha" is, but if it means sending our love across the galaxy to a PLANET cold and alone, then yes, we major duncha think.

If you yourself are a concerned Pro-Plutonian and want to get involved in the cause, then write your U.S. Senator and Representative urging them to declare March 13th (the anniversary of the announcement of Pluto's discovery) as "Pluto Day".

https://writerep.house.gov/writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml

https://www.senate.gov/

Or write to the the IAU and demand that they reconsider their resolution at:

IAU--UAI Secretariat

98-bis Blvd Arago

F-75014 Paris

France

Captian T. McGuillicuddy's Adventures in Spaaaaccccceeeeee!!!

Prepare to receive this weeks black box transmission of:

Captain T. McGuillicuddy’s

Adventures in Spaaaacccceeee!
Episode 356: Pluto Payback

This week’s adventures in spaaaacccceeeee! Is brought to you by Comic Kittties. Available for purchase at your neighborhood Space Travel Supply Co.

We join our heroes moments after activating the panic button, only to find themselves marooned on the ice planet Pluto

“Looks like we’ve made another acceptable landing Andy and this time my eyes weren’t even open.”
“Yes Captain, although it appears that Hologram Henry Kissinger failed to survive the crash.”
“No time to mourn his loss Andy, we have to get that Hologram to the protest. Now which way to the door, I seem to be having trouble focusing my vision.”
“There’s something in your eye sir.”
“Ahh you must be referring to my glint. Every good space captain is born with it, that special sparkle as sharp as an eagle. It takes years of staring death in the face to get the twinkle just right. Its incredibly painful at times, yes, but it’s the life I was born to live Andy.”
“No sir, I believe a piece of the Hologram machine is lodged in your eye.”
“Jesus Andy get it out! Oh God I’ll never see again!”
“Don't worry sir, the federation of space travelers made sure I was upgraded to a class four surgeon before we left.”
“Thanks Andy, that’s much better, now lets get this pile of parts to the Protest.”

Our brave space explorers blew the hatch of the Roddenbaumer Beta and took their first giant leaps into the biting ice winds that sweep across the snowfields. As they began to familiarize themselves with their surroundings they were approached by a group of Plutonians

“Now you’ve done it Andy, you pulled that piece of hologram from my eye and now these perfectly normal people look miniature.”
“No sir this is a dwarf planet.”
“Dwarfs! Quick blow them out of the sky before they hypnotize us!”

The two  unholstered their patented Deluxe Combat Training Devices and unleashed foam furry on the unsuspecting inhabitants.

“Andy nothing’s happening!”
“Well Captain our Combat Devices are designed to be mostly harmless.”
“Dear God.”

Will our heroes every defeat the Dwarfs of Pluto? Will Captain McGuillicuddy ever regain his glint? The answer to these questions and more in the next exciting adventure of Captain T McGuillicuddy’s Adventures in Spaaaaccccceeeee!

No Dwarfs were harmed in the making of this transmission.   

It has, indeed, been a very busy couple of months. I’ve been to Triton to cut the ribbon on the brand-new Lassell MegaMall, Sedna to check out the recently refurbished Great Leap Truckstop, and to Nix to kick off Plutonian Memorial Month. During the opening ceremonies, with Pluto’s chilly orb just appearing on the horizon, I rallied the crowd with the following:

ATTENTION ALL CONCERNED CITIZENS!

A horrible injustice has occurred! Aghast astronomers, intrepid interstellar adventurers, and many others have joined forces to protest one of the darkest days in recent solar system history. Pluto—the smallest and most distant planet—has been removed from the planetary pantheon.

We refuse to bow to this outrageous decree and declare: PLUTO IS A PLANET.

In 2006, the International Astronomical Union (or IAU—the body governing the standards used to describe astronomical phenomena), prompted by the discovery of several small planet-like objects, decided to refine the definition of "planet."

Sadly, Pluto didn’t fit the bill. Its status as a planet was yanked and it was reclassified as a “Dwarf Planet.” It is a move that has outraged astronomers, incensed explorers, and dishonored its discoverers. We declare: science is wrong— Pluto belongs!

Reclassifying Pluto is a terrible mistake that we must rectify. Join the movement—support Pluto!

••• WHAT YOU CAN DO •••

PROTEST!

Join 826 Seattle and the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co.SATURDAY, MARCH 13, at 1pm for the Third Annual Pluto IS a Planet Protest March and Rally. The march leaves the GSTS (located at 8414 Greenwood Ave N.), heads north to 87th, and returns to Neptune Coffee (located at 8415 Greenwood Ave N.) for the rally. The public is invited to bring signs and chants of protest.

PROTEST WITH A TEE-SHIRT!

Can't make it to our protest? Show your support by sporting a Pluto tee-shirt or button, hanging a Pluto poster in your window, or sending a brief message of protest on a Pluto postcard. All items are available in the Store or online 

More rabble than a Tea Party, less fake blood than a PETA Protest! Our annual protest has garnered national attention! Check out this National Geographic video featuring footage from our previous protests: http://tinyurl.com/yad4jmw

WRITE!

 Write your U.S. senator and representative and urge them to declare February 18 (the anniversary of Pluto’s discovery) as “Pluto Day.” Pluto is the only planet discovered by an American and the U.S. is the only country sending an exploratory mission to investigate its chill (New Horizons, launched in 2006). Lawmakers in New Mexico, Illinois, and California have passed resolutions recognizing the scientific contributions of Clyde Tombaugh, Pluto’s discoverer—there is no reason the federal government can’t as well.

Write to the International Astronomical Union and demand that they reconsider their definition. True it is an argument facing an uphill battle against science, but when it comes to Pluto, no battle is too large. When debating with scientists, we encourage you to use well-reasoned argument; impassioned histrionics and an envelope full of rancid bacon just won’t get you anywhere. You can send correspondence to:

IAU—UAI Secretariat
98-bis Blvd Arago
F–75014 PARIS
FRANCE

HEY KIDS, IT'S NEW!

After my exhausting schedule of public appearances, I returned home to my quaint and peaceful office in the back of the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. to find that the staff had been hard at work stocking the shelves with more new product than can reasonably fit. Here are some items now available in the store (web availability coming soon). Please come buy a curio or two so I can empty the backstock out of my office! 

CARPET BOULES : If you found coverage of Olympic curling as hypnotizing as I did, you’ll love this miniaturized version of curling’s closest non-ice relative. Boules in French, Bocce in Italian, and fun in any language! $10 

INSTANT WORRY-FREE YARD: Even if you are confined to cramped quarters or have limited environmental resources, you can now enjoy all the benefits of a yard without all the effort. Snap multiple squares together for more acreage. $12 

COSMIC KITTY: Inflatable for easy stowage, hypoallergenic, and no unpleasant smell. Actual affection levels may vary, but easy to train and hairball-free. $10 

FOOD COLOURING BOOK: Remember when food didn’t come in small, tasteless pellets? With the judicious use of smell-o-pens, you can enjoy food the way you used to. $5 

RUSSIAN SPACE PEN: Utilitarian in every way, these pens may may merely be glorified pencils but they get the job done—in any measure of gravity—for a fraction of the price of the U.S. version. $2.50 

PAPER SOAP: a revolutionary way of cleaning your face, your hair, and your laundry. Safe for transport in zero gravity or through U.S. airport security screenings. Assorted scents and uses. $5

GSTS IN THE MEDIA

Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co will appear in the next edition of the Fodor's Seattle Guide book. An online review can be found here:http://tinyurl.com/yge79ew

GSTS appeared in the 2009 edition of the EAT.SHOP Guide for Seattle among such fine company as Schmancy, Fantagraphics Bookstore and Gallery, and Patrick’s Fly Shop. Copies of the guide are available in the Store.

We just learned that GSTS appeared in the Weird and Wacky Washington Places guide book, published in 2008. Were you aware that there is a Banana Museum in Auburn? Limited copies of this hard-to-find book are available in the Store.

FOLLOW US

Apparently, this “social media” trend isn’t going to end any time soon. So...

Get (more) regular updates via Twitter: @SpaceTravelCo

Get posts like this delivered directly into your inbox (technology is amazing!) by signing up on our email list.

UNTIL NEXT TIME

With that, I bid you a fond farewell. Please take care when traveling around Neptune as the Lassell MegaMall has proven to be a bit more popular than expected.

Hey Kids-It's New!

PLUTO PROTEST BUTTONS

PACKAGE INCLUDES: One Pluto postcard and set of five buttons you can use to spell Pluto. 

DOES NOT INCLUDE: Spell Check.

PRACTICAL USES: Are you the type of person that likes to wear your heart on your sleeve but seem to have a hard time making it fashionable? Do you like voicing your opinions to everyone in the whole solar system whether they want to hear it or not?  Has Tweeting become too tedious? If so, express your feelings the old fashion way…with buttons! Pluto protest buttons are the perfect flare to get you fired up for any protest, but especially the Pluto Protest coming to Greenwood this March.     

NOTES: Warning: Pluto protest buttons may lead to arguments and acts of extreme aggression from Anti-Plutonians. The Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. will not be held responsible for damage to persons or buttons.  

IDEAL FOR: Angsty hipsters, rebels looking for a cause. Ages 5+

CAPTAIN T. McGUILLICUDDY'S ADVENTURES IN SPAAAAAACCCCEEE!

Do not be alarmed. Do not adjust your computer screen. This is not a blog about “deep thoughts”. This is not a blog post from an overpaid employee at The Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. (located in Earth’s Capital, Seattle Washington, The Solar System). You have just received a transmission of events that may or may not have occurred across eons of space and time, through the very nebulas and galaxies you take for granted every day. You have just received is this week’s installment of:

CAPTIAN T. McGUILLICUDDY’S
ADVENTURES    IN    SPAAAAAACCCCEEE!

This week’s installment of ADVETURES IN SPAAAAACCCCEEE! Is brought to you by Pluto Postcards, available now at your local space travel supply store
           
Episode 364: Plutocracy is Not a Popularity Contest
 
        We join our heroes Cpt. T. McGuillicuddy of the Roddenbomber Beta and faithful robot Andy as they hurtle through the cosmos on a daring and ridiculous mission. A galactic conference has been called on Neptune to decide the fate of the ball of ice lurking in the outer rim of the solar system: Pluto. The Pro-Plutonians are gathering their numbers for a full force protest. Cpt. T. McGuillicuddy and robo-companion Andy have been chosen to transport Earth’s top foreign policy advisor, Hologram Henry Kissinger, to mitigate the conflict. With less than 30,000 parsecs left before reaching Neptune, all systems are functioning smoothly and their course is true. But unbeknownst to our heroic travelers, they are on a collision course with the dreaded Kuiper Belt!
 
“Captain, are you aware that our current course has brought us dangerously close to the Kuiper Belt?”
“…Yes.”
“Might I suggest a slight change of course? The odds of surviving a flight through an asteroid field are 365,874 to 1.”
“Don’t give me that C3-pian logic Andy. You know we don’t have time for course changes, or even moderate reassessments of the situation. We have to get Hologram Henry Kissinger to Neptune before all hell breaks loose.”
“But Sir—“
A small asteroid bounced off the hull of the Roddenbomber, shaking the hologram unit off its shelf.
“Captain this is crazy! We’ll be pulverized.”
“Andy a good captain doesn’t know the meaning of the word crazy…or the word pulverized.”
Hologram Henry Kissinger materialized behind them.
“Excuse me bzzt but I believe what you two need is compromise bzzt.”
“What was that Andy?”
“It appears that the asteroid has shifted the contents of our overhead compartment drastically. Hologram Henry Kissinger, terminate program.”
The Hologram flickered then said:
“In crisis the bzzt most daring course bzzt is often the bzzt safest.”
“It seems to be malfunctioning Captain.”
“Nonsense! I’m starting to like him. Full speed ahead Andy!”
“Captain I don’t think that is the wisest—’’
“Relax Andy, I didn’t almost pass that class in cosmic course setting at space flight community college for nothing.”
“If you don’t know bzzt where bzzt you are going every bzzt road will get you bzzt nowhere.”
Captain Titan turned to Andy
“Yeah that thing is definitely busted. It doesn’t even make sense anymore.”
A red light flared across the dashboard. The ship began to rattle as asteroids bounced off the hull.
“Jesus Andy what’s that!?”
“It’s the Panic Indicator sir, we have entered the Kuiper Belt.”
“I see. You know I didn’t expect these asteroids to be so…big.”
“What are we going to do Captain?”
“The only thing we can do Andy. Hit the Panic Button.”
“But sir, we don’t even know what it does!”
“No time Andy, punch it!”

Will these brave space adventurer’s survive the Kuiper Belt? Will Andy find out what the Panic Button does? Will Hologram Henry Kissinger ever turn off? Stay tuned for the answers to these questions and more in the next transmission of:
 

CAPTAIN T. McGULLICUDDY’S   
ADVENTURES    IN    SPAAAAAACCCCEEE!

Until next time keep your eyes on the stars and remember that February is ray gun safety awareness month at your friendly Greenwood Space Travel Supply Store.

Hey Kids-It's New!

PLUTO POSTCARD 

PRICE: $.75   

PACKAGE INCLUDES: One standard sized Pluto Postcard. 

DOES NOT INCLUDE: postage (terrestrial or intergalactic)

PRACTICAL USES: Tired of taking exotic vacations and being unable to rub it in the faces of your friends and family? Next time you decide to take a trip to the galaxy’s hottest (and tiniest) destination, let the folks back home know what they’re missing. No WiFi in the outer reaches of the solar system you say? Never fear; this postcard’s patented square corners allows you to send the old fashioned way - the mail!    

NOTES: Edges may be sharp, use gloves while handling to avoid paper cuts. The Pluto Postcard features an image of Pluto and its orbiting moons, ample room to write, and fun facts about the planet (that’s right – PLANET).
This postcard can also be used to send a note of complaint to the IAU, care of:
 
Karen J. Meech, President of the IAU Division of Planetary Systems Sciences
University of Hawaii Honolulu
 Institute of Astronomy

2680 Woodlawn Dr

Honolulu HI 96822

Robert Williams, President of the IAU Executive Committee
Space Telescope Science Institute

3700 San Martin Drive

Baltimore MD 21218-2410 


(you didn't hear it from us)